Marriage - I didn't ... I do !

Marriage seems to be a normal part of most people's lives.
Most people hope to find 'the one', get married, have children and live happily ever after.

Not me.. I never really planned to get married.

 

 

Of course I'd dreamt about a big white wedding but as I grew older I realised that a big white wedding is not a marriage. After all the reason for a wedding day is to get married but marriage scared me.. in fact it still does. I have been with my partner for 9 years, we have 4 beautiful children and after years discussing it - We have finally decided to do it !

Me and Ste in 2006 - my 16th birthday

  I realise that the things that put me off are not actually to do with me or my partner.. they are to do with other people's marriages:


  I didn't want marriage to just be the next step.

  It should never be just the next step, yes we are a little different and had children first (which to be fair is quite common now) but even having children together didn't automatically make me want to get married.

Marriage is not taken seriously by everyone.

I blame this on watching way too many wedding programs but I love to see a good how we met, fell in love and got married story. However these programs are the worst to showcase very naive, newly met couples who barely know each other. Honestly the amount of time some of them have been together (like a month) I'm surprised they know each others last name but then again some people just know and do get married quickly and are still together years and years later.




Me and Ste in 2007 - my 17th birthday.

I will only get married once.

No I don't have an issue with people who get married 3-4 times but personally I only want to get married once, for life - that's it !

I hate a fuss.

As most couples would love the spotlight to be on them on their wedding day I really hate being the centre of attention, it makes me feel awkward.. though I think this is pretty much unavoidable on your wedding day I really don't want a big white wedding with 2nd cousins that I haven't seen since I was 4 ... I want a very small, very intimate wedding.




While a lot of couples strive to have the perfect day with sit down meals, a number of bridesmaids, ushers, flowers girls .... Which is lovely ... but just not me, not us. I want a simple wedding with little touches, close family and good food. I want to spend our day celebrating with the ones we love, the ones who it matters to and of course one of the best things is our children will be right there with us.







I see me and Ste being together for ever, yes we argue, bicker and we are both pretty competitive but after 9 years we can still have each other in stitches over the silliest of things, we still flirt like we have been together a few weeks. We know each others flaws and my god we both have a fair few but yet we still appreciate each other, we still have fun and honestly when we are old and frail I still think we will be picking each other up on down days, laughing at stupid things and still nagging each others ears off... but that is perfect for me. xx

We are planning to get married next year, when we will have been together for 10 years. xx

Before I was a parent.... I was the perfect parent.

As parents we see the childless parents all the time - These are people who are watching you , judging you, though despite having no children yet themselves - they know it all.

Oh yes I was one of those childless parents who thought I knew a better way to handle the pressure of parenthood.. I thought I could diffuse tantrums in seconds, negotiate with a toddler and much more all without raising my voice or becoming slightly frustrated.






THEN... along came motherhood and whoa! It chewed me up and spat me out.
I'd gone from knowing everything to having to learn everything. The things I thought were easy situations were now a huge wall which seemed impossible to climb over.

My whole perception was changed in a heartbeat and my way of thinking drastically changed:





Then - Yes, you may have another cookie despite it being an hour before dinner time and you've already had two, whatever makes you happy.

Now - No, you can think again if you're having any biscuits at all right before dinner time, you can kick, scream and roll around on the floor the answer is no.








Then - oh you don't want to be put down ? OK I will carry you as long as my arm is still attached.

Now - You have legs, use them. I refuse to carry you everywhere.

Then - Don't do that darling, it's not very nice x100.


Now -  Don't do that darling, it's not very nice x1 ... I've said don't, now stop x1... Right, that's it ! you need a time out.






Sometimes in my house I have to turn a little psycho just to get anyone to listen. It's not often but the kids seem to figure out that they have gone way too far and all of a sudden they begin to do things I haven't even asked them to do yet. Despite thinking pre-children that I would never have to raise my voice to get my child to listen... Sometimes, there is no other option.

I don't give in to demands of my little people, that only proves to them that if they kick off for long enough I'll give in. Yes I've learned a whole lot more since becoming a parent, including how stupid my pre-parent views were.

I now smile when I see childless parents judging me because I think to myself.. One day you will realise how little you actually know, just like I did and that day you will realise that you will also be judged the way you once judged... and one day you will smile about it too.

Eurovision .. The UK have our entry !!!

We finally have our entry for the Eurovision song contest !

We also have two for the price of one, yep we have a duo... Electro Velvet.

 Alex Larke and Bianca Nicholas

The song

I'm still in love with you : I'm not sure it's love but I think it has potential , it's very British, pretty catchy along with having vintage charm with a modern twist.. Not much more could be crammed in.

Watch the video here:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p02lf7hq

The big question is what will Europe make of it ? ... I'm not sure about that either, I think it will be a controversial. I think some people will love it, some will hate it ...Let's cross our fingers !

Still very very excited for the big final ... 72 days to go and I'm hoping time will somehow fast forward.

Please let me know what you think of the song, Is it love or not ? xx

Precious family days .. This is my happiness!

I spend every day with my family, but between school runs, shopping, cleaning, cooking .... to name a few, I don't really actually get to spend much time with them.

I love dropping everything and just going to the park with them, or soft play, or even just playing in the garden.
Trust me, I don't find it easy to leave things untidy for even a few hours but it's really worth it.

Today felt like an actual spring day even though it was quite windy, so I checked the weather report - Halleluiah no rain ! I headed eagerly to my local butchers to buy some food for a BBQ along with a few other shops trying to be quick so I can savour as much of this day as possible.


We dusted off the BBQ cleaned it up and set it up all ready to cook on, put out the picnic table, toys and juice. The kids bounced eagerly at the windows, seeing the BBQ got them a little hyped. Like me, my children love BBQ days they see it as a day of fun and good food.

The smell of cooking burgers, chicken and sausage soon filled the air while the kids played on their ride-ons or had races with cars, or became mini international football players. I sat there thinking 'this is it, this is my happiness'. When people in future will ask 'what makes you happy ?' This will be my
answer.

 

I always like to make these days a little more special for the kids and recently tried out shaving foam with my youngest children. No I didn't give them lessons, thankfully that's Ste's job one day, instead we squirt the foam into a pile for the kids to play with. So today I tripled the amount of foam, I'm normally a bit of a clean freak much to my children's annoyance.. But in the garden on precious days like this I loosen up a little and just go with the flow. Soon our garden (and children) were covered in foam ! ... It look like a winter wonderland nightmare haha. It's brilliant seeing the kids play together with something they all love doing and what child doesn't like making a huge mess ?

I wonder if anyone's precious days are like mine.. This is my life and this is why I love it. My precious days one day will just be a memory but it's a memory I will cherish forever ! xx

How many children ? You must be mad!

I have seen this a lot lately, whether it's because my friends are expanding their family or I happen to scroll by a 'perfect mothers meeting' online which consists of putting other parents down because they don't have the same views as them.

I myself have heard such nasty things in the past when it comes to people commenting on the number of people in OUR family.

The classics.

• Wow, you must be mad!
• Do you not have a TV ?
• You don't look like you have 4 (what were you expecting me to look like?)
• Ah, so you have twins ? (yeah because having 4 single pregnancies is just unheard of.)
• I bet you could do with a break (a break from what ? .. parenting ?)
• You've got your hands full! (my personal favourite... full of love.. yes!)

Maybe I'm mistaken but these seem very rude to me, I wouldn't dream of commenting on someone's personal choices especially with an unthoughtful, narrow minded, hurtful , unwanted opinion.
The worst thing is people seem to think they have some right to comment in the first place.



The way I see it... If  you feed my child, hug them when they have nightmares, kiss the poorly cut on their finger, sing them to sleep, wash them, snuggle with them when they are ill and everything else that comes with raising children... THEN and only then, may your opinion matter.

I don't comment on the woman's only child at the soft play centre 'Don't you think you should try for a sibling?'... Maybe she just wants one, maybe she struggled to even have one... and that's fine. It's her choice , it's what is right for her. The same if you have 2,3,4,5 and even 20 !



I was one of 5 and although our house at times was total chaos ... I LOVED IT!
No matter what, someone was always around. Plus being the youngest of my sisters had great bonuses like 'borrowing' their clothes, make-up and even their clever teenage come backs.
Of course there were down sides.
You never got away with anything, always some one around to catch you sneaking out when you were grounded. Always someone to tell on you too haha!



My siblings. (L-R).. Me and Chantel, Me and Danielle, Me and Anthony, Me and Danielle (again) and Danielle and Steph.

 

My siblings have been my best friends and my worst enemies at times but we all love each other, protect one another and we know we always have someone to turn to.

How many children you have or don't have is your choice. Don't let other people spoil your joy.

I hope people who would normally make a comment on the amount of children people have would think twice in future, after all children are a blessing, whether it's the 1st or last of many.

I wouldn't change my children for the world, they are perfect and I am very proud to be their mother.

The meaning of Mothering

What does it take to be a Mother ?

Being a Mother is a hard but extremely rewarding job. From the moment we find out we are pregnant we have self doubt that we are capable of raising another human being. We worry if we are to young, to old, strong enough, sympathetic enough, patient enough .. and just good enough.

But just what is Mothering made of ?

 

M..

Moments-  There are lots of special moments, when our children are born, first steps, first words.

These moments are the ones we capture that we will look back on with a goofy smile on our face. Especially as we watch our children grown up on us. They are filled with pride and happiness.

O..

Optimism- When we first become a mother we sometimes stumble almost like Bambi taking his first steps. With a bit of time we soon find our feet and before long we will be cantering along.

 

T..

Teacher- As our child grows we become a teacher, we teach words, patience, love, safety and just about everything that our little ones need. We are also taught, every day. We learn that the blanket den is actually a bush in a jungle used to hide from the ferocious lion outside, that the sofa arm is a plank that we are forced walk by pirates and the bath water is an ocean with squirting octopus, boats and giant monster ducks.

H..

Healer-  When our children are ill, we are their healer, whether it's a scratched finger that needs magic kisses, a stomach ache that needs a hot water bottle and cuddles, a temperature that needs some medicine or a shoulder to cry on and a friendly face when our children are upset. Seeing our children unhappy kicks in our maternal instincts to make everything all better. Even when we can't we will always try.

E..

Experience- You've been there, done it and got the t-shirt to prove it. Children need our experiences just as much as we do. Especially when it comes to relationships, friendships and sex. There comes a point (and thankfully I'm not there yet) when we have to share the good and bad in our past. Not all of it of course but we can try and stop our children from making our mistakes. Even though we aren't always successful and they will learn for themselves and gain their own experience.

R..

Reliable- Yes, we are the ones our children rely on, whether it's too feed them, clean them, cheer them up or even just to listen to them. This is one of our main jobs. If our children can't confidently rely on us, then who can they rely on ?

I..

Inspiration- We have to inspire our children, inspire them to chase dreams, learn new things, open their mind if it becomes closed. Most of all we have to inspire them to be themselves.

 

 

N..

Never giving up- We are the ones who never give up on our children, even when they give up on themselves. We are the ones cheering them from the side lines, picking them up when they fall, finding the positives in bad situations and forgiving them for their mistakes, even if we feel like it at times, we NEVER give up.

G..

Guidance- We are here to guide our children through life, no matter what our hopes and dreams are for our child our job is to walk along side them holding their hand, supporting their decisions. Sometimes it can be hard, especially when you don't agree with them but you just have to close your mouth open you heart and be there.

 Either way, don't panic ... Mothering is a natural instinct, it will come with time, patience and experience. Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for everything we do. xx