10 things us parents survived !

Ahh the joy's of parenthood ... A time of moments, some good, some bad and we have survived them all. I have picked out a few of my most exhausting, stressful or just plain funny moments.




1. Birth:

 Ok so this one is a lot of things - Happy, exhausting, worrying, emotional and over all amazing but every parent has been through it and survived. Ladies know it's our least glamorous time with various medical staff popping their head around the door while you are sprawled on the bed sweaty, half naked and looking no more life like than a zombie !





2. The offensive compliment:

People often compare your new bundle to a person, Mum, Dad, sibling... Unfortunately some people don't think before they speak 'Aww he looks like a little wrinkly old man' ... Yeah thanks for that... shall we shove you in the bath for the next 9 months and see how you turn out ? ... didn't think so!


3. Bumping in to old childless friends:

Normally it's not so bad venturing to the supermarket with children *gulp* . However the day you have shoved you hair up, wiped the chocolate off your once upon a time fitting jeans with a baby wipe -which has now left a white fluffy mark instead!- your toddler is having mini melt downs for every item on the shelf and ... Oh this has to be the day one of your old glamorous friends just happens to be there in her white top which has no jam stains or anything. She looks clean and refreshed you find yourself darting behind a stocking trolley but it's too late you have been seen - crap, now you have to style it out... Even looking like crap - you survived.


4. Sleep .. what's that ?

Remember the last time you went  to sleep when you wanted to and woke yourself up feeling refreshed ? Hahaha nope, me either! Scientists should study us - really!- Adults need on average 7-8 hours of sleep but we have been rocking the 4 hour sleep look for years and what's more we have mastered it. With our Russel Brand hair and our wild badger eyes we do a million things on very little sleep at all. We all have our auto pilot days and our auto pilot fail days.. Did I put these keys in the fridge ?






5. Sudocrem:

Need I say more ?

A while ago I stumbled upon a bunch of parents telling their sudocrem story - yes it's THAT common - we have all been there, screamed, cleaned (maybe while blubbing) and then eventually laughed about it!... If it hasn't happened to you yet - be prepared !




6. The public tantrums:

Oh yes, this survival is repetitive .. You will be embarrassed, stressed and totally judged by every person around you no matter which way you handle it. You will still be thinking about this the next day when you prepare to go out with your little cute, perfect, gorgeous , TIME BOMB ... you will tense up as you walk by any toy store, sweet store or pigeon because of course your currently cheerful little toddler WILL want it !... Que your invisible stage of an exciting drama show for entire public viewing.


7. Poop & Puke:

You know how you seem to be getting on top of that cleaning ? .... Well here comes super stomach bug to wipe you all out for a week !

As an adult we tend to make it to the loo or a bucket.

Kids however - The rug, couch, wall.. basically ANYWHERE & EVERYWHERE will do!

And you will be cleaning the aftermath for the next month.






8. Hey hey we're the monkeys !

 Did you know that monkey's fling poo ?

Well toddlers do too !
Yes there is a lovely stage when your clever little child figures out how to undo nappies. This normally happens when they go to bed and are not in view of parents. This results in you changing bedding, bathing a toddler and disinfecting the cot at 1am.





9. The awkward questions:

Why do you have hair there ?
Where do babies come from ?
Do you have sex with daddy ?

Yep the awkward questions normally occur at the most unexpected, inappropriate time and you will have to think on your feet. I have been asked all 3 of the above and many many more by my 6 year old who is very inquisitive. The word sex she had picked up from 2 teachers at school talking about it while she was in ear shot... it made for an odd conversation as at 6 it's a question of how much do you reveal... I think it went well.


10. Being outsmarted:

As children get older they get smarter and soon they are out smarting you. I have been teamed up against by my children a number of times, they plan ... like some sort of strategic MI5 mission. One distracts while one takes cookies and they huddle together after enjoying their reward for sheer cunningness. Or when your child bulldozes your point in an argument with simple logical.


Yes these moments of survival are harsh but in years to come they will be the memories you will laugh at, the stories you can tell to the girlfriends and boyfriends and they will make you proud of everything you survived. xx